{"id":195,"date":"2014-06-30T20:35:56","date_gmt":"2014-06-30T20:35:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hommemystere.com\/blog\/?p=195"},"modified":"2014-06-30T20:35:56","modified_gmt":"2014-06-30T20:35:56","slug":"guys-in-lingerie-stores-ten-commandments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hommemystere.com\/blog\/guys-in-lingerie-stores-ten-commandments\/","title":{"rendered":"Guy’s in Lingerie Stores – Ten Commandments"},"content":{"rendered":"
    \n
  1. Thou shall psych oneself up prior to walking into the store by carefully considering a plan of attack. ?This means not lingering for a period of time that is likely to draw suspicious glances from staff.<\/li>\n
  2. Though shall have a cover story in place that suggests thou is purchasing for wife\/girlfriend\/mistress as a surprise present.<\/li>\n
  3. Though shall pretend to be far less knowledgeable about sizing and fabrics to the staff to ensure thou appears as a stereotypical dumb male buying lingerie.<\/li>\n
  4. Thou shall tell staff the wife\/girlfriend\/mistress is a size ‘X’ and under no circumstances say ‘she’s about my size’. ?This clearly gives the staff member reason to believe thou is buying for oneself.<\/li>\n
  5. Thou shall only purchase underwear with a wide gusset. ?Bare minimum of 4 inches or 10cm. ?This will avoid splitting oneself in two, having one testicle in confinement and one on the loose or raising your voice by 6 octaves.<\/li>\n
  6. Thou shall keep well clear of thongs and G Strings as they generally only have 1.2 square inches of fabric in the front. ?Refer point 5.<\/li>\n
  7. Though shall stick with stretch fabrics only, despite being hypnotically drawn towards bright shiny satins and polyesters. ?Snap out of it. ?We both know they are not going to work.<\/li>\n
  8. Thou shall not indulge in fantasies of the store assistants ‘helping you’ with your lingerie in the change room. ?Make the purchase and escape!<\/li>\n
  9. Thou shall take advantage of Valentine’s and Christmas periods to stock up on lingerie in vast amounts when it is less suspicious you are buying for oneself.<\/li>\n
  10. Every few years you will feel you must purge all your lingerie from your house\/shed\/work hiding place because ‘enough is enough’! ?Then you will go out and do it all again.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Thou shall psych oneself up prior to walking into the store by carefully considering a plan of attack. ?This means not lingering for a period of time that is likely to draw suspicious glances from staff. Though shall have a cover story in place that suggests thou is purchasing for wife\/girlfriend\/mistress as a surprise present. … <\/p>\n

    Continue reading “Guy’s in Lingerie Stores – Ten Commandments”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[21,7,18,43,44,38,28],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hommemystere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hommemystere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hommemystere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hommemystere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hommemystere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=195"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.hommemystere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":203,"href":"https:\/\/www.hommemystere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195\/revisions\/203"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hommemystere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=195"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hommemystere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=195"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hommemystere.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=195"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}